Month: May 2014
The greatest of these….
I just simply cannot get this one word out of head lately. It seems every conversation I have, every situation I encounter, every argument, every everything!!! This one word that won’t leave me alone. I swear, Its like this one word has it in for me or something. However, the more I hear the word ring in my head the more I feel it change something in me. It literally arrests my thoughts, and as mad as I get when I hear it, the more I know its truth and it’s the only way to live.
I can just see you all reading this as fast as possible to get to the part where I tell you what that word is. Well, the word is simple, its LOVE.
Such a beautiful word that makes you think of sugar and spice and all things nice, but I have to say, the more I think about this word, the more mad I become at it.
I can see your heads on tilt right now. What kind of insane human being would become even the slightest bit agitated at the beautiful and graceful word called, LOVE. I mean hasn’t she heard the song “All we need is love” by the Beatles, or how about “Love can build a bridge” by the Judds (that’s a true classic).I do question myself being slightly delusional but I came across this simple verse that has been one of my all time fave’s forever. Many people around the world quote verses from this Chapter in reference to many things.
Its, I Corinthians 13. The verse that talks about love being patient and kind, remember it? I have heard so many of us (myself included) talk about this being their FAVE verse in the Bible.
It all happened one day when I came across the verse and actually began to read it for what it said. I began to read the part where it said, “Love is ever ready to believe the best of everybody.” That part jumped out at me and I am pretty sure hit me with great force on the head or in the heart, either way it hurt.
Let’s think about this for a minute…..
Do I believe the best about someone when I have heard they have been talking about me? Do I believe the best about someone when I have heard things about them that sheds them in a ‘not so great’ light? Do I believe the best about the guy who comes up to me begging for money? Is that what that verse means? Yes, that’s exactly what that means.
Then there’s the part that says, “Love keeps no record of wrong done to it.”
So, does that mean that when I have had an argument with my husband, I have no right to keep a record of it? Does that mean that the hundreds of times we all have been legitimately hurt, we have no right to keep record of it? What if it’s one person who keeps continually hurting me, do I still have no right to hold it against them, forever? Does that mean that we have to love those people anyway? Yes, that’s exactly what that means.
What about the part where it says, “Love is not rude.”
Does that mean that when I am driving and someone cuts me off I can’t give them the ‘death stare’ as I drive past? Does that mean that when I am in a store and the person working the counter is giving less than great customer service, I can’t be rude? Does that mean that when someone is being rude to me that I can’t be rude right back? Yes, that’s exactly what that means.
I could go on, but do you see why this “Love” word is hurting so much? In the last few weeks, I have had so many opportunities to lash out, to hold grudges, but what rings in my head is “You Love!” Immediately, I am taken back to that whole chapter that lays out exactly how I am to conduct my life. I am not going to lie, my thought usually is, “THIS SUCKS!” I want to hold a grudge. I want to show them how hurt they made me. Heck, I want to hurt them back. I want to close my heart off to them forever, but I can’t, LOVE wont let me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect at this, not even close, but I’m trying. I am trying to look at the heart of people. Look at the worth of people.
I mean, reality is, we are all people who have been hurt and sometimes operate out of our own hurt. The one thing that stands the test of time is, WE ALL NEED LOVE!
The more I take the time to think on Love, the more my eyes are opened to the possibility of what Love can do.
What if instead of telling the cashier how unimpressed I am with her service, I looked at her and asked her how her day has been and then wished her a better day?
What if instead of me waiting for the apology I felt I so greatly deserved from a friend, that I called them first and told them I loved them and was sorry if I caused them hurt?
What if instead of telling the beggar on the street to “get a job”, I reached in my pocket and handed them a dollar?
What if it just took that one moment to change a life?
I write this to challenge whoever reads this, that the next time you are so inclined to be angry, or to judge, or to make the decision to lash out, may you hear the words ring in your head, “YOU LOVE!”
I CORINTHIANS 13, goes on to say that faith, hope, and love abide, but the greatest of these is love. Love is the key. Love is a language everyone speaks and everyone understands. You want to be a world changer? Let’s begin to Love, really love, each other.
I Corinthians 13Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy ([d]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].
Memoris of the Non House Wife type
1. I am not a good cook!
Every recipe I try either ends up tasting horrible or ending up on the floor.
True story! I can follow a recipe to the absolute “t”, and it will end up that something is wrong with it. I remember one time my grandmother decided she was going to put an end to my horrible cooking omen. It was the day of my son’s birthday party and my grandmother had shown up at my house with what she called, “the easiest recipe in the world!” She was determined to teach me how to own that recipe like it was nobodies business. She watched very carefully over me as I measured out the ingredients, then she would check, double check, and then triple check. We whipped those ingredients into submission and poured the batter into the pan. We loving stuck my masterpiece into the oven as Grandma looked over at me and said, “There now wasn’t that easy?” You know what, Grandma, it was! We waited the allotted time as we sipped on some tea and chatted and giggled like we so often did. As the buzzer went off, we grabbed the “perfect” cake out of the oven. It was such an exciting moment for me as I knew that when everyone arrived for my son’s birthday party, they were going to be so very proud of me when I told them that the very cake they were eating was baked by ‘yours truly’. We opened the oven up and pulled out that chocolate cake, suddenly our smiles turned into looks of shock. That cake was not a cake, it was some sort of something, but we were not sure what that something was. We stared at the cake for awhile as my Grandma mumbled something about not knowing what went wrong. Then we both burst out laughing as it suddenly hit us, THERE WAS NO HOPE FOR ME. So the moral of the story here is that you know there is no saving you when even you’re Grandmother tells you, “I guess you really are a bad cook!” I told you so Grandma!!! This of course is not the only bad cooking experience I have had. There has been cookies spilled on the floor, ingredients forgotten, a whole heap of too much salt used, a million burnt things, and the list could go on. Don’t judge me because I am a bad cook!
2. I don’t know how to iron
One time I was with my father and he was about to get up to speak on stage at a very big conference, he asked me to iron his pants. I remember thinking that it couldn’t be that hard. Well, 10 minutes before we were to leave, I decided to go ‘artistic’ on those pants and imprint of the shape of the iron right onto the front leg of his dress pants. Let me just take this story one step higher, it was his birthday as well. Geesh! We had to stop at a men’s clothing store on the way to the conference to pick up my Dad some pants. To his credit, he never even reacted at the sight of his scorched, iron imprinted pants.
3. I have no clue how to bleach clothes
I am not even going to touch on this. It’s that bad!
4. I am a horrible gardener
I love a well landscaped yard like the rest of us. I have tried planting flowers. I have even been given flowers, a whole whack load of them, for free. I have a problem though. I HATE BEES, WASPS, and HORNETS!!! Therefore, I am on edge while I am outside. I tried doing my gardening in the dark while those pesky critters were sleeping, but picking weeds at night is not the easiest of jobs.
I have, however, had success with one plant. It was this beautiful perennial that was in my flower garden. It must have been from the previous owners as it suddenly appeared one summer and grew like crazy. I was so proud of that plant. It never produced any flowers but it was a beautiful big bush that seemed to be growing at an alarming rate. I had many conversations with my Grandmother via phone and she would try to get me to explain this plant to her so she could tell me how to care for it. She could not figure out what kind of a plant I was referring too. Finally, when she came to visit, I took her out to my flower garden to show her my beloved plant. I remember the walk to the garden, I was so excited for her to see it, and finally I had a bit of a green thumb. My Grandmother took one look at the plant and looked at me, and by the look on her face I could tell she was trying to hold back fits of laughter and said, “That’s a weed!” Well, OMG of course, only I would take extra special care of a weed!! I could tell you many more stories that include digging up perennial bulbs and thinking they were onions, and being so proud of myself for ridding my flower garden of those pesky onions, only to find out that those were tiger lily bulbs. Well, that was another epic fail! So, now if you drive by my house (please don’t) you will see my front yard full of beautiful flowers. I am sure you are thinking my husband planted them, but you are so very wrong. I planted them all by myself. They are all fake plants, yep I said it, and every last one of them is fake as fake gets. I have reason for this though. One, they don’t die! Two, they smell like nothing so bees will leave them and me alone. I know what your thinking, “Man, this girl is unbelievably smart” or you are laughing at me and planning your next family outing around a drive by my house. Don’t judge me because I am a bad gardener!
5. I don’t know how to sew (not even a button on)
Clean! I do know how to clean. That has to count for something, right? Sigh, or maybe not. Maybe, we should all just take a moment and say a prayer for my husband and children.
Dear God, please don’t let my daughter grow up learning and perfecting MY horrifying ways of cooking. Please don’t let my son grow up thinking that fake flowers are real flowers. Please God let my husband just survive this crazy life he lives with me and every once in awhile just give him something good to eat, I think he deserves it! Amen.
Mother’s Day with some laughter and some tears
I have to admit, I get spoiled on Mothers Day. My husband and children always do their very best to make sure I am treated like a queen that day. I love it and am very grateful that I have such a wonderful man in my life who teaches his children to honor their mother. It’s an incredible blessing. I know that there are many mothers that don’t get that special treatment and Mothers Day turns out being a very hard day for you. If that is you, and you are reading this, I want to say ‘thank you.’ Thank you for your selfless life you live, for your endless nights of worrying, for your prayers, for your tears, for your hardships. Mom’s everywhere… THANK YOU!!!
As I sit down to write today, I am accompanied by a cup of coffee, a chocolate that I received at church today, and a box of kleenex.
The coffee is because I have some insane addiction to it and even though it is 9:00 at night, my body is craving a cup of its steamy goodness. The chocolate is because its Mothers Day and I think its okay that I indulge a little. After all, it was a gift, it just wouldn’t be right if I let it go to waste, right? RIGHT???
The Kleenex is because I have decided to open my heart up a little bit and I know it will be followed by a Noah’s Ark-like flood of tears.
I always have a ‘moment’ on Mothers Day where I sneak away as emotion takes over and I think about my mom. I lost her 15 years ago to a battle with cancer. I was 15 years old (almost 16) and was my mothers only child. I remember sitting next to her on the couch where she laid dying and holding her hand pleading with her not to go. I remember telling her that I could not be by myself without her and she just simply had to stay. She then looked at me with the look only a mother can give and said, “You’ll be fine, I know you will be. Your dad loves you and he will take good care of you.” What’s a daughter to do without her mother?
It was so hard to think of life without my mom. She was my best friend, and I mean that. I didn’t really have any close friends, she was my close friend. I would rather spend all my time with her than be with anyone. I am not sure if that was healthy or not, but maybe God knew she would be leaving early so He made sure we spent as much time together to make up for the time that would be lost.
She was there for everything, always in the background smiling and cheering me on. I used to sing and I remember before I would go on stage I would say to my mom, “Please try not to cry this time, Mom.” I would be standing on stage singing my song and I would glance at my mom and there she was just bawling like a baby… it never failed!
We would drive around the city listening to music, go for coffee every morning before school and then again after school, go for walks and have snowball fights, Saturdays we would go for ice cream. The list could go on. She was full of life and laughter.
Everything seemed to flow like clockwork until that day. I remember her standing in the bathroom where we would get ready together in the morning and she looked over at me and told me she thought maybe something was seriously wrong with her physically. As, I listened to her explain the symptoms, I knew that something was seriously wrong. I wasn’t scared, I thought she would live. I never once imagined her dying. What followed next was many tests, doctors appointments, and so on. It was a quick couple of months before the sight that became normal to see was my mom lying on the living room couch on a 24 hour basis. It was my father, my grandmother, and I that would take turns caring for her. My father would research countless remedies to help save her life. We juiced our meals, we all took vitamins, we sanitized everything in a particular way. Life was put on hold as we scrambled around trying to save her life.
Then came the Saturday morning I will never forget. I was standing in the kitchen making “juice” for all of us. Dad came into the living room and sat down by my mom’s side and began to talk to her. He called me in to come sit with them. I stopped what I was doing and moved into the living room and sat at my mom’s feet at the end of the couch. My dad began to tell her that if she was fighting to stay alive for us, she didn’t have to do that. If she was tired of fighting we would let her go. Then she proceeded to tell us that she was so tired of fighting and that she just wanted to go home to Heaven. My father and I told her we loved her and that we would miss her terribly but we would release her from the fight.
You know as I write this and look back at that moment, and I remember how I felt there are no other words to describe it, except “GRACE.” God’s grace making it possible for us to walk through that moment of time, to be able to have the conversation, and to be strengthened for the days that would be ahead of us. Peace would be what would lead the way up until her death. Grace and peace came down at that moment and surrounded us so that we would be able to walk through what was to come.
Her decision was made. She called for her friends and family to come so she could say goodbye to them. This was all very surreal, as I am sure it was for everyone. Her pain suddenly began to increase and it was very hard watching her become very weak at a rapid pace.
As I prepared myself for my mother passing, I recalled that every time she left the house she would write me a note. It didn’t matter the length of time she would be gone for, I always got a note. If she was going to the grocery store, I got a note. If she was going for a walk, I got a note. If she was leaving for a week on business, I got a note. In my school lunches, I got a note. These notes always ended in, “I love you kiddo!” You know, I still have every one of those notes! I decided that it was only fitting that she leave me a note before she left this earth.
I went and sat with her and told her that I would miss her like crazy and this was the most indescribable feeling to realize that I would be losing her, but I asked that she leave me a note before she died. It was then she told me, “Of course, I am already working on it, you know I never go anywhere without leaving you a note.” Okay, now the Noah’s Ark tears have begun.
It was two weeks from the day she decided to give up the fight, that she passed away. My father, my grandmother, and I sat with her for most of the night as she slept. We decided it was bedtime, and said our ‘goodnight’s.’ We headed to our bedrooms, except for my grandma who was going to do the ‘night shift’ with mom. We all crawled into bed for about 10 minutes when we instinctively got back out of bed to sit back with mom. It was as if we knew that this would be ‘the night.’
I sat by mom on one side and began to sing to her every song that I had ever sang to which she would usually have been in the crowd bawling like a baby. This time she was my audience and I was singing to her. She passed away that night.
It was a very hard couple of years for me, as I was 15 and I needed my mom. I missed her. I remember I was 17 years old and I was living on my own. I was laying in bed in my apartment, it was probably 3:00 in the morning and I had awoken in tears like I usually did every night. This week in particular had been different though, I would awake to hear this verse ring in my head, “Isaiah 60:20.” At this particular point in time, I was so mad at God, I wanted nothing to do with Him. Still, every night I would hear that same verse. I finally looked for a Bible, and when I opened it up to the verse I would find this: I will be your everlasting light, and your days of mourning will be no more. I knew at that exact moment that God was real. That only He could see my tears and only He could feel just how much I hurt. That moment changed everything for me, to know I had someone who was hurting right along with me. That He felt a need to wake me up every single night just to show me that He saw, that he felt, and that He hurt too.
I think if there was any moment in time that I look back to the most, it’s that time. The moment I knew I had the Father of the Universe watching over my heart. It’s what changed everything for me. I know that my day-to-day trials, my big trials, my hurts, and my wounds, I have Him watching over me and caring for the big issues and the small.
I miss my mom like crazy. Sometimes I really need to talk to her. There are just some things that I need to ask her, like when did I walk as a baby? What was I like? Did you breast feed? How the heck do I cook this chicken? What’s beautiful is God sends you this group of amazing women to surround you and help fill that void. To help teach you how to cook, how to raise your children, how to love your husband, how to get through life, and all the other ‘how’s’ that are out there. I have many women I could send a million thank you’s too.
So to the Mom’s who were never able to have children, You’re needed! To the Mom’s who selflessly gave up their children, You’re needed! To the Mom’s whose babies have grown up and moved away, You’re needed! To the Grandma’s, Aunties, and Stepmom’s, You’re needed.
To all the ‘Mom’s’ who God sent my way to help fill that void in my life, THANK YOU and Happy Mother’s Day to you all.
Life Blissfully 